Posts by Marc Copes

THE GREAT OUTDOORS IS NO PLACE FOR A TURTLE

April 2, 2024 ·

A search and rescue was called off this morning after 5-year-old Dawn Willis was found in nearby scrub land. She had made herself quite comfortable over the past week while missing, building a 3 story cubby house and befriending local wildlife. Read more.

PRISON BREAK-IN BREAKS PRISON HISTORY

February 20, 2024 ·

The Cow Texas Maximum Security Prison had a recent surprise visitor this week, and the town couldn’t be happier. Newest inmate Bertrand Freudenberg was minding his own business (and reflection) doing curls in his cell when an unexpected, dripping surprise appeared on the other side of his iron bars. A dog! Read more.

TEA MERCHANT RIVALRY SHOWS NO SIGNS OF COOLING DOWN

February 6, 2024 ·

Nothing is more steeped in tradition for local residents than the good ol’ cuppa tea. Popular business owner Jacques Cutt-Throat (who has repeatedly stated he is “definitely not a pirate”) has been been bringing wild and wonderful flavours of tea to the ports of Cow Texas for decades. Far longer than anyone can remember why a land-locked town had a sea port built in the first place. “It’s such an occasion when Jacques comes to town on his ship,” Janet from the local mother’s group explains. “Word starts spreading from house to house, and before you know it, the whole town shuts shop and car convoys to the port to see Jacques.” But the seas weren’t calm at the port last week, when the old-school tea merchant Jacques and his ship “Me Mate-tea” (repeatedly reminded is definitely not a pirate ship) met a new competitor in town; the superhero startup “Tea-Man”. Read more.

STOLEN CAR WAS MOST LIKELY STOLEN

October 15, 2019 ·

Owner of the local second hand car business, “Local Second Hand Cars”, has had a rollercoaster past few weeks. Hot off the heels of a recent mistaken win fall, owner Larry thought he had somehow gained an extra car in his lot. “I was flabbergasted. Usually I have to buy the cars before I sell them, but this one had just appeared!” Larry boasted to reporters at the time. The high morale didn’t last long, however, as Larry eventually came to realise he had accidentally counted his own car in the stocktake. “It was a simple mistake.” Read more.

TAG TAKES OVER TOWN

October 14, 2019 ·

“Community participation” received a whole new meaning last Friday as an all-out game of Tag consumed the entire town. James, head boy of the local Primary School, says this was the best recess he’s ever had. What started as a simple game of “Gang Up Chasey”, a branch of the traditional chasee game where once you become “it” you “stay it”, quickly became something more. Read more.